Can't Sleep, so here is my recipe for California Tilapia Salad

I've hit a virulent strain of insomnia. So here. Have a recipe.

You will need this stuff:

2 tilapia fillets

A couple hand-fulls of grapes

1 Avacado

Spring Mix

A couple hand-fulls of crushed pecans

Feta cheese

Dressing

Balsamic Vinegar

Olive Oil

Basil

3 ft. pepper mill

FIRST

1) Grab a couple of tilapia out of your local freshwater habitat such as a river if you live in Africa, or your local supermarket.

2) Smite tilapia with rock or open the package it came in you unadventurous pansy

3) Clean and bone fish with the mad skills of an Eagle Scout or just slap it on the table and stare at the adventure you are not having.

4) Put tilapia in a bowl and douse with balsamic vinegar, a little salt, a little pepper, and some basil. Leave it in there for at least ten minutes. The longer you leave it in there the stronger the taste will be. Be sure to keep lions and/or Mr. Whiskers away.

5) Grill tilapia on bad ass survivalist grill of painstakingly homemade coals, rocks, and animal bones. Or your George Foreman.

6) Grill until done. Set aside and guard with musket.

7) Gather local flora for salad, such as millet. Or open your pre-packaged spring mix from Whole Foods, put it in a colander, and wash away your shame. Or try anyway. Once washed, put on plate or trained zebra's back.

8) Steal avocado from Californian

9) Slice up avocado and I swear to God if you use a four-in-one avocado scoop from Williams and

Sonoma instead of a spoon I will come to your house slap you.

10) Distribute avocado evenly over both salad beds.

11) Slice grapes distribute evenly over both salads.

12) Poach pecans from pecan orchard, outrun angry orchard owner, stare down an elephant until it agrees to serve as a nutcracker or just sprinkle them out of the nestle bag.

13) Raise many goats. Make cheese out of their milk. Sprinkle on salad.

14) Put fish on salad, put oil and vinegar on fish.

15) Whip out that three foot pepper mill and just go to town .

This would have been so much more interesting if you lived in Africa but no. You had to live in a suburb with a disposable income. Well good for you. Way to go to college, get married, and have 2.5 kids! One of them isn't even an entire kid. WAY TO GO.

I want to go to Africa